Embracing Sexual Liberation in the 21st Century

Even though we’ve advanced so much in the 21st century and we’ve busted so many sex-related myths, thus helping people feel more comfortable – there are many who still feel uncomfortable talking about sex. Even more who feel constricted and limited in expressing their sexuality. Sure, missionary is fine, but ditching your sexual comfort zone might actually mean discovering new, even more comfortable zones, if you catch our drift.

Since you’re already here, that can only mean one thing: you’re ready. It’s time to plunge right in and talk about the nitty-gritty of sex, to help you find what makes you tick, and to truly let your mind and body commit to this wonderful, liberating, loving act. Whether you decide to indulge in some alone time and play, or you’re getting ready to impress your partner, here’s a little guide on what you might like to try to make your sex life sizzle.

Talk to yourself and your partner

Mind-blowing, life-altering, steamy sex doesn’t start in the bedroom (or on the kitchen table, we don’t judge, on the contrary). It starts in your head. If you have reservations, fears, if you feel shame for having very specific, kinky desires, if you feel insecure, you need to share with your partner how you feel. And above all, you need to take some time to talk it out with yourself.

Face your fears, formulate them, give them a voice. Do you fantasize about a particular role-play, but you’re afraid you’ll suck (and not in a good way)? Maybe your partner can talk with you and help you confront your insecurities and perhaps overcome them. You will certainly help yourself overcome such hang-ups by talking about them.

Try a sex toy…or two

You know how they say that it’s the little things in life that bring you joy? Well, the same can be said for your sex life: the occasional toy can be the spice of life that will take your pleasure to the next level. No need to stick to vibrators only, you can try cock rings as well, as they add a new dimension to your sex life, while anal beads can help stimulate you and your partner and boost the pleasure for both.

Keep it healthy and safe

All forms of sex need to be healthy and safe, above all else. That’s the only way you’ll ever feel comfortable abandoning that comfort zone we’ve mentioned and trying out new things that might have once seemed impossible. For comfortable, but unforgettable anal sex or any kind of anal play, you need to use high-quality anal lube designed to help you relax and to eliminate any unwanted friction.

With the right lube at hand, you can explore your body and that of your partner without worrying about pain or discomfort.

Touch yourself

Masturbation is not merely a few minutes of releasing some pent-up sexual tension within yourself. It’s an opportunity to discover erogenous zones on (and in) your body, explore the spectrum of different tactile sensations, and play with different toys in addition to your own hands. Try some of that lube yourself, use a butt plug, tease yourself with a feather, find out what gives you those really good goosebumps.

Only when you feel free and comfortable in your own hands (and literally so) can you help your partner navigate your body and connect through each and every sexual adventure you share.

Sexy self-care matters

Expectations and realities don’t always match, so perhaps you feel disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed, or you simply don’t see yourself as the right person to fully satisfy your partner. Well, how often do you think of yourself in that equation? Working on your stress levels for starters is a great way to make room for exploration and playfulness in the sack.

Get a relaxation sensual massage, soak in a bubble bath with Epsom salts, or light a few scented candles. Whatever floats your boat, do it, and banish stress so that you can actually think about pleasure and prepare yourself for it. Eliminating the stress out of sex is the first step towards liberating yourself once and for all, and you’ll be able to forego all expectations and forecasts and immerse yourself in the moment.

As you can see, these are the basics, the foundation for all future explorations of your sexual fantasies and possibilities. Keep in mind that your sexual appetites and preferences will evolve and change, so there’s no reason to get stuck in one position, one toy, or one kind of lovemaking, for that matter. Reframe the idea of sex into something that changes with you, embrace yourself in the process, and you’ll keep discovering something new every time.

Peter is a health writer at Essential Men's Clinic blog. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.